33 Lessons on Self

On Self and Learning

1. When studying, repeatedly reading your lessons is inefficient. Close your notes, then say what you have learnt out loud, or write about it on another piece of paper.
2. Each language contains unique ways of looking at the world. Try to be fluent in more than one. But don’t respect other languages more than your native language. You risk losing something of yourself.
3. The internet and AI allow us to study almost anything by ourselves. But most of us lack the internal discipline and wisdom to do this well. We are more likely to wander in the dark. Formal degrees and apprenticeships give us external structures for discipline and guidance. Further study is not a waste of time.
4. If you are going to spend money, spend it on one-to-one coaching that pushes you to think. You are more likely get the highest return on investment long-term.
5. Learning things from YouTube can give you the illusion that you understand a lot. Your ego may then push you to criticise others based on that illusion. Don’t do it. You will regret it later.
6. Adab¹See Al-Attas, S. M. N. (2018). The Concept of Education in Islam: a framework for an Islamic philosophy of education. Ta’dib International. Adab is hard to translate. The rough meaning is ‘right manners’. Adab is not about being ‘nice’. Criticising someone is not ‘nice’. It often upsets others. But it fulfils adab when done with justice and wisdom. It also recognises levels (marāṭib) beyond the apparent ones. For example, in the morning, you study Immunology from me, so you give me due deference as your teacher. In the evening, I study Theology from you, so I return the deference to you as my teacher. This adab applies to us no matter which one of us is older, smarter, or regarded higher in society. is central to learning at the deepest levels. Pay attention to how you conduct yourself.
7. If you study hard with the right methods for a long time, but your progress is still extremely poor, consider switching to another field. Your intellectual disposition might be better suited to something else. Discomfort is natural in learning. Prolonged suffering is not.
8. When you don’t understand something taught by a lecturer, it doesn’t necessarily mean he or she is a poor lecturer, or that you are a terrible student. Their teaching style and your learning style may not match. Find help from other lecturers, even if they are from a different department.
9. How healthy your body is will affect how intelligent your mind can be. Junk food and poor sleep mean a slower mind. Don’t make it harder for yourself to understand things.
10. Life is harsh and filled with pain. But it is harsher and more painful if you are stupid. So invest yourself in knowledge. Study hard. You don’t need to be a genius, but you do need to make yourself less stupid.
11. If a science or an art speaks profoundly to you, study it, even when others say you can’t get a job with it, and even when they can’t see the material benefit of it. It will awaken something in you. It will change who you are.

Lessons on Self and Spiritual Struggles

1. The more you spend your energy finding faults in others, the more you discover how to make them better. Unfortunately, it also means you have less energy left to make yourself better.
2. Take breathing and dhikr seriously. Both quietly empower other aspects of your life.
3. Your physical state influences your spiritual state. Exercise and taking care of your body is an ‘ibādah.
4. Don’t stay too often in a room where you are the most successful and knowledgeable person there. You won’t grow, and it is not healthy for your ego.
5. Wuḍūʾ is an independent ‘ibādah from the salah. Don’t rush it just to start the salah. Take your time. Do it with care.
6. Older people possess spiritual lessons that you badly need. They may not be good at communicating them. So don’t give up too quickly. Try different ways to earn the wisdom.
7. Men, a part of your brain tyrannically demands that you judge women only by their physical appearance. Surrender to it, and it will blind you. You will regret it. Pay attention to spiritual beauty. Combat the tyranny.
8. When you read about the evils of other human beings, understand that the same dark potential exists in you too. It may grow and come out under the right conditions. Don’t let that happen.
9. Fast as often as possible, even outside Ramadan. It sharpens your mind and disciplines your soul.²See Acing through Fasting: How Ramadan Makes You a Better Learner
10. The first āyah in the Qur’an is about gratitude. Make gratitude the first state you experience in the morning, the first state when you plan your ambitions, and the first state when you deal with hardship.
11. Pay attention to the conversations in your mind. You don’t have to accept everything those voices say.

Lessons on the Self and Others

1.  When you click on something online, you are voting for its continuation. Stop clicking on things that you know are not making you or others better.
2. The way you respond to others teaches them how they should treat you. Be firm, but respectful. Be clear about what is not acceptable to you.
3. Honourable men honour women, especially their own mothers.
4. Romantic films and shows rarely give you the right lessons about love. Watch less of them.
5. Being an introvert in a well-connected world is hard. Challenge yourself bit by bit. Learn to connect with others. I know it is uncomfortable, but it will get easier.
6. Many non-Muslims are deeply engaged with their fiṭrah. They behave more Islamically than many Muslims. Learn from them.
7. You don’t have to respect every single person you meet. Otherwise, respect loses its value. Respect only those who deserve it. For the rest, treat them in ways that honour their soul, and help them earn that respect.
8. The innermost chamber of your heart is for God. Don’t place people there, not even the person you love. Otherwise, when they disappoint you, or when you lose them, you may not survive.
9. Men, realise that women often communicate in a different, multi-layered language. You will remain frustrated if you keep trying to understand them logically in your own language. Learn theirs.
10. Do not box the person you meet as ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Like you, they have the potential for both darkness and light. Encourage the light.³See How to be Kind Despite the Lucifer Effect
11. Helping others at the expense of your well-being is unwise. People around you benefit more from the healthy, spiritually centred, energetic version of you than from the sick, unhappy, weakened version. Taking care of yourself is part of serving others.

Notes:

• 1
  See Al-Attas, S. M. N. (2018). The Concept of Education in Islam: a framework for an Islamic philosophy of education. Ta’dib International. Adab is hard to translate. The rough meaning is ‘right manners’. Adab is not about being ‘nice’. Criticising someone is not ‘nice’. It often upsets others. But it fulfils adab when done with justice and wisdom. It also recognises levels (marāṭib) beyond the apparent ones. For example, in the morning, you study Immunology from me, so you give me due deference as your teacher. In the evening, I study Theology from you, so I return the deference to you as my teacher. This adab applies to us no matter which one of us is older, smarter, or regarded higher in society.
• 2
  See Acing through Fasting: How Ramadan Makes You a Better Learner
• 3
  See How to be Kind Despite the Lucifer Effect