Recently, someone I knew died.
Their passing affected me deeply because it happened so fast, so suddenly, and without any warning at all.
What happened to them can happen to me too.
So I’m writing this partly to begin preparing myself for my own death, and partly to serve these thoughts to other men who are leading their families:
1. ‘I am your husband, but I am not yours’
Our death may become one of the greatest emotional tests our family will ever face.
So we need to prepare them early.
Their spiritual strength should not depend entirely on our physical presence.1See How a Husband or Wife Boosts Your Lifelong Learning
Prepare them with life skills, emotional maturity, and spiritual clarity, so they are still able to continue living meaningfully after we are gone.
For example, remind your wife gently:
‘I am not yours, and you are not mine.
We both belong to God.
The love between us must rest upon our love for God, like a beautiful carpet resting on a strong floor.
We must make sure that floor never collapses, even if the carpet is gone.
So if I suddenly die, you will still have somewhere to stand.
So you will not fall.’
2. Prepare for death practically
This is important if we are the main provider in the family.
‘If I die this year, what needs to be prepared financially for my family?’
Start working on a tragedy recovery plan.
Because after your death, certain assets may be temporarily frozen. During that period, we want our family to have access to liquidity. By liquidity, I mean cash itself, or assets that can be turned into cash within the next few days.
Organise practical resources properly:
- Family documents.
- Monthly bills.
- Financial records.
- Cloud accounts.
- Insurance details.
And more important than leaving behind assets, leave behind financial literacy.
Because no matter how much wealth someone inherits, without knowledge, it can disappear quickly.
Make it your life goal to become debt-free, even if that makes us appear ‘less successful’ in the eyes of society.
Because our death will already become an emotional burden for the people we love.
We should reduce unnecessary debt as much as we can, so the financial transition doesn’t become another layer of burden for them.
3. Health may not be enough to escape death
‘Why should I take care of my health, when people can still die suddenly?’
I personally don’t take care of my health to escape death.
I take care of my health because it is one way of honouring the biological battle suit He has entrusted to me.
Looking after our physical health is also a spiritual part of preparing for death.
We care for our bodies as a trust (amāna), so we can experience life fully and fulfil our responsibilities as best as we can before it all ends.
4. Appreciate people
You don’t need to buy friendship flowers or Premier League tickets for your friends.
Most of the time, appreciation appears through simple things:
- Smile sincerely.
- Before agreeing or disagreeing, listen properly first.
- Forgive them when they fail.
Be patient with their weaknesses.
And honour what they have done for you through your words and behaviour.
5. Don’t enlarge small disagreements
If there is a conflict in your life, attempt sincerely to solve it.
Yes, I understand that in real life, some conflicts can’t be resolved. Sometimes because we don’t yet have the communication skill to create a breakthrough. Sometimes because the reasons are outside our influence.
In those cases, the goal is to avoid escalation.
That may mean ending the relationship amicably. Or staying away from each other for a while.
Just do not prolong the conflict unnecessarily.
Keep the door open for reconciliation.
When we look at life from the perspective of death, many things we are upset about today may not look as big later.
Choose peace more often than the desire to be right.
6. Make other people’s lives easier
Whether at work or in personal interactions, make situations easier for people.
Don’t add unnecessary rules, paperwork, or procedures.
And look for small opportunities to lighten the burden inside another person’s heart.
Years ago, I spoke with an Indian man who looked troubled. He was a stranger standing near my building, completely lost in thought. By the end of our conversation, he cried, thanked me, and hugged me.
The thing is I didn’t do anything extraordinary.
I simply spent a few minutes listening to him, then offered a little encouragement regarding what he was facing.
Sometimes, a kindness that feels small to us can become something very meaningful in another person’s life.2This may partly explain why the quality of our relationships matters deeply throughout life. See Happiness Lessons from Harvard’s Research where I discuss the Harvard Study of Adult Development.
7. Live a meaningful mission
Invest your energy into the mission God places inside your heart.
That mission is usually something your heart still wants to pursue even when other people don’t consider it impressive.
Keep searching, even it means facing failures.3See The Gift of Failure: Discovering Your Path Life is too short to spend chasing something that means nothing to your soul.
But while searching, don’t become passive. Don’t wait for life to happen. Do your best with the positions you currently have on your chessboard.
And remember, your mission doesn’t need to be extraordinary. A meaningful mission is simply something beneficial, even if small in scale.
It is something you do sincerely and with genuine interest, and it touches the lives of people you serve.
Final Thought
It’s uncomfortable to think about death. But among all the possibilities we imagine for our future, death is the one certainty.
Lights of wisdom can come from reflecting on the darkness you face today.
To reflect on death around us, and to learn something from it, is one of those lights.
Notes:
- 1
- 2This may partly explain why the quality of our relationships matters deeply throughout life. See Happiness Lessons from Harvard’s Research where I discuss the Harvard Study of Adult Development.
- 3