Are you setting your own goals, or letting others decide for you? Here’s a reality you can’t ignore:
If you don’t actively choose your goals, others will choose for you.
And I’ve learned the hard way that goals assigned by others are rarely designed with your lifelong happiness in mind.
I’ve failed at achieving my goals in the past. But I still set them for the future, even though there’s no guarantee I’ll achieve them.
Why?
Because to me, goals are anchors in the vast, unknown ocean of the future. Without them, you’ll drift.
Even an unachievable goal has psychological value. It steers you toward a self-determined direction rather than leaving you adrift on random probabilities.
Here are two practical steps I use to set goals:
1. Start with Fear-Setting:
I learned this from the author Tim Ferriss.1See Why you should define your fears instead of your goals. Write down your biggest fears about pursuing a goal. Then, list how you would mitigate each fear and what you would do if the worst-case scenario happened.
For example, if you want to change careers, list your fears about losing your current salary or being mocked by others for stepping off the expected path.
Plan for risk mitigation: Do you need to drastically reduce expenses? Can you pursue your new path as a side project first?
Then, prepare a recovery plan for the worst-case scenario.
2. Define Learning Goals, Not Just Outcome Goals:
For example, don’t say, ‘I want to do this PhD because I’ll get better pay and more societal respect.’
You may not get those outcomes, and you’ll be heartbroken.2When setting up career goals, remember to set up family goals too. In many ways, that’s more important. See The Interstellar Paradox: Saving the World but Losing Your Family?
Instead, say, ‘I want to do a PhD because it’s hard. I want to learn the discipline of studying challenging topics, so I become a more educated person, even if I don’t get better pay or society doesn’t care.’
This shifts the focus to lifelong skills that remain valuable, even if the PhD takes longer than expected, or if you fail.
Final Thoughts
Whatever you choose, let your goals reflect what you deeply value—not someone else’s expectations. This way, your goals will teach you life lessons that truly matter to you.
Notes:
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- 2When setting up career goals, remember to set up family goals too. In many ways, that’s more important. See The Interstellar Paradox: Saving the World but Losing Your Family?